Things I know that I wish I didn't

You can always hear it in the voice, always.

Words are almost unnecessary.

I heard it in my dad's voice yesterday, when he asked a question.  He knew the answer. He just didn't want to know.

And I heard it in Chris's voice this morning, when he left a message on my answering machine.

He told Finn on Friday. I won't imagine that conversation. I don't want to. But he said that Finn said, "I didn't know. I didn't know."

Maybe he didn't. But probably he did. He just didn't want to.

I knew.

I was crying even before I picked up the phone to call Chris back.

Tomorrow, it will be six months since my mother died. She was the only person I really wanted to talk to today.