Pam called today. It's such a rare occurrence that of course the first thing I said was, "Is everything all right?" Not so much. Her friend Mindy died on Friday night.
I barely knew Mindy. But she's been a friend of a friend for the past twenty plus years. That's a long time.
If we graphed out our friendships and relationships, tried to chart them, I think mostly they would look like tangled spiderwebs. The social networking tools like Facebook and Linked In and Twitter show those threads in all their complicated glory. Right now, it feels like one of my threads snapped on Friday night. While it wasn't one of the threads that keeps my web stable, that holds me up and sustains me (yes, I've made myself a metaphorical spider), my web feels emptier for the loss. I'm sad.
I also feel a little angry. I'm not sure at who or at what, whether it's god with a capital G or simply arbitrary fate. But it seems like my friends are all taking some serious hits this year and--ah, of course. Anger, as it generally is, is a cover for fear. Between Judith's death just a few weeks ago and Jason's brain tumor, the world is feeling like a very scary place. I feel too young for this. But maybe everyone always does.